plants and rags

so last night was the last night i slept in my own bed. in my flannel sheets that i picked out and loved so dearly. now begins the process of finding a home for everything that made it back to zirconia. i think most of it will fit into "my room" inconspicuously. i didnt really think about the moving process as it was happening. especially today cause the power and gas were shut off and it was freezing cold. but sitting at the farm enjoying movie after movie on the direct tv i was finally able to reflect some.i dont think i could chalk up the last 4 years in one word. everything is a learning process. and i certainly feel like i have learned. i def learned never let someone buy you something you cannot live without. buy it yourself. or get it in writing that you will always be the one to keep it. i think i watched enough court tv these past few months to appreciate that.
and i think i have learned about relationships in general. friends or more. you shouldnt have to settle. i know i would rather be alone than be with someone you have to walk on eggshells around. its not worth it to settle. to allow yourself to be trapped. it shouldnt always be so hard to be happy with someone. there are people out there that can make it effortless. i havent met many of those..but i have met a few. meeting one will renew your outlook on things. sometimes people come along at just the right moment. and it the midst of all the chaos since july i managed to meet someone and just be myself around them. leaving hickory i acquired a few very good friends. but this one in particular was just a breath of fresh air.
so i leave hky with a sense of sadness for things lost...Avi...the illusion of a good relationship...free movies!.....i also am filled with more drive than i have felt in awhile. this move is for me. not to make something easier for the inevitable decline....i am looking for self fullfillment...what can i do for myself. i will be responsible for how i feel. and if im fortunate to meet someone that i dont have to ignore red flags going off all over the place..great...well actually i already did...so im sure it can happen again..or maybe it doesnt need to.

que cera cera

so im in hendo. dropping off more stuff to my fathers dismay. didnt sleep well last night as my room was occupied and i slept in my moms bed. i dont know what you call it, but she has the mattress that is hard when you first lie down and then molds to your body. the mattress wasnt so bad but the pillows were the same and they hurt my neck. and lola was up cause she could hear chickens and roosters. so im looking forward to quality time with my hky bed. esp since it will be gone soon. but i think for the most part the packing is done. now the cleaning ensues!

i think the secret service should move my stuff too

moving has got to be the biggest drag of all time. i would rather have 100 pap smears in a row than move. just the physical process of it. and no matter how much stuff i get rid of there is still plenty left. not to mention how not strong i am. i think its time i start living as a minimalist. at least im not taking furniture this time. im excited about the prospect of having matching furniture one day! and i have to stop moving in winter.

After all, tomorrow is another day

so i decided to jump on the blogging bandwagon. im at a huge crossroad in my life and it might be interesting to document it. even if i never get paid to take another picture again, it is my medium. and i often forget that i think. my goal is to drive to cali and photoblog it to the best of my ability. after my trip is over, i know the journey has just begun. i plan to immerse myself in creativity. far too long i have lead an unfulfilling life. i have lived under the most stagnant and restrictive circumstances. and i have noone to blame but myself. but its going to change. for better or for worse.